.​.​.​Again

by The Ellie Badge

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about

It's about a lot of stuff but mostly about whatever I guess.

credits

released April 8, 2016

All songs written and performed by Jeremiah Matthews
Recorded by Jeremiah in Jeremiah's house.
Mixed and Mastered by Clayton Gregory
Art/Design by Jeremiah

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: This Is Forever
Spit me straight out of the water
I am born on the sand
This is life, this is forever
It's the cycle again
One day I'll learn to love
And it'll all fall apart
And then I'll learn to live with loneliness
And holes in my heart

It is cold cause it is Winter
But when Spring comes around
It will melt all this unhappiness
Like snow on the ground
You know nothing lasts forever
But we're given the chance
To try and make the best of this
As long as we can

Yeah you know that
We all are born on an Island
Track Name: Blood
Spring is just an acronym for something I can't comprehend
Where everything is cyclical and we all come back again
And I know that I've been everything from skin and bones to gasoline
But nothing ever mattered like this did

For once I feel like there's a purpose
Beneath this pop-punk-hipster surface
I really hope that I'm not wrong...

Cause I've been way away too long
I've been out here on my own
And I've got blood all through my engine
But my engine doesn't run
I've been way away too long

So let's talk about the situation born of blood in celebration
Of a a feeling I just can't describe...
I'm back and God it feels so good to feel the sun on these old wounds
So I'll wear them on my wrists where I can't hide

Cause I've taken all the things I've seen
From all these teen pop magazines
I've chewed them up and spit them into song...

Cause I've been way away too long
I've been out here on my own
And I've got blood all through my engine
But my engine doesn't run
I've been way away too long
Track Name: Bones
I remember every evening that you took them away from me
I realized you weren't worth it... You give no guarantees
And even though my world is so fucked up; my life is crumbling
I will not take you back cause you don't have the comfort that I need

but everything I said, it stays on repeat at night.
It rambles through my head
But what I said was true,
Especially the part about how much I needed you...

And all I needed was someone to tell me so.

Now every day without means the more I feel alive
And every day I wonder why I used to let you take up all my time
And maybe, Oh just maybe I will see you when I die
But if I don't I'll learn to float, Oh you know I will be alright

But every once in a while I'll sit and stare at you
Through countless stucco ceiling tiles...
But what else can I do?
I guess it's just a part of losing all my faith in you...

So I'll believe it when I see it
Don't you say it unless you mean it
When I die you're coming clean
Is there more than just flesh on these Bones?

So I'll believe it when I see it
I'll be begging, I'll be pleading
When I die you're coming clean
Is there more than just flesh on these Bones?
Track Name: #DeltaSunsets
You spend your days
Stumbling through the haze
Oh, tell me about it

Talk shit about this town
With no one else around
You just wanna get out

You’re so much more concerned with being cool
Than swimming to the deep end of the pool

Slave away
At minimum wage
Oh, tell me about it

Every day’s the same
"This whole town’s fucking lame"
Oh, tell me about it

You’re so much more concerned with being cool
Than swimming to the deep end of the pool

So when are you gonna grow up and get somewhere?
I’m sick of watching old friends disappear
I know it’s hard, I got that crystal clear
You’re not so much as comfortable as scared
But you’re only fooling yourself
But not very well
I’ve seen the way you stare
But delta sunsets don’t look so good from here

You’re so much more concerned with being cool
Than swimming to the deep end of the pool
Track Name: Godspeed, Little Brothers
And I will wait
Until you learn from my mistakes
I know you heard what I said
Even in the Land of the Deaf they still heard what I said

Cause nothing's gonna change
All the way from the weather to your girl's last name
Cause no matter what you say
The world is too cold to get carried away... yeah.

When everything is black and white it comes down
To everything being fight or flight. It comes down.

I think that I've been waiting long enough. The color's fading
From the tattoo of that name they left on my arm.
So I'll write Summer songs for Winter soldiers
Help you up and dust off your shoulders
If I can't make it then I'll make sure to do everything I can
For you...
Just for you

Some say that we're all alone
That we are nothing more than what we started from
But I can't accept that
Track Name: Infinity Means Nothing
Heavy is the way that it felt
As it fell around me
And everything seems so out of place
Since these mirrors found me
You put up the sun so I'd take the moon down
The sunlight burns the soul of this town
But life is just a hemorrhage to you
It's far too much to go through...

While you're waiting
Infinity means nothing
While you're waiting
Oh, won't you wait beside me?

"Everything is waiting on you..."
She said to him and he followed through
and they may fall apart tomorrow...
but for tonight, they're so alive!
They are the sun and moon
And they're strown across the sky!
And everything will be heaven tonight...
But in the meantime

My body is broken,
Dependent on oxygen.
My body...
Depends on you.

While you're waiting
infinity means nothing
While you're waiting...
Try not to look so lonely
Track Name: The Road To Judecca
Deep in my brain
There’s an itch, there’s a feeling
Not sure it’s one I believe in.
It might sound strange
But I’m sick of the history
More concerned with the mystery
Of my fate I wanna know why you not I
Am the one to decide it.

You sit and you wait
For the world to deny you
Put that ache deep inside you.

So take a vacation
Start in December.
Don’t come back till you remember
The look on your face
That started as cryptic
And soon became apocalyptic.

You can even take a page, my dear
Out of my book
Learn not to give even one fuck
About what they say
‘Cause I am the future
And you’re still living in the past.

But I won’t follow you down the road to Judecca

It’s time for a change
The kind that creeps inside
In the middle of the night.
Digs deep in your brain
And spreads like a sickness
A dark and unholy Christmas.

If you can’t stand the strain
Maybe close both your eyelids
Don’t be a fool and do what I did
Staying up too late
To wait on the future
And hope it’ll fill you with sutures.

But I won’t follow you down the road to Judecca
Track Name: Chalk Talk
It's the middle of the night, you're wrapped up tight
We go walking...
Under the old streetlight we hear cats fight
We're just walking...

Yeah, but we both know that it's all a show
We keep walking...
Cause it's all we can do to make it through
We keep walking...

As each moment passes we all raise our glasses
Even though we know that it can't change the way we feel

I can't win this time cause you won't change your mind
I can't win this time but you're never gonna get it!
You're never gonna get it!

You're stuck in your ways, you're never gonna change
You keep walking...
But the sidewalk's cracked. You're gonna break your back
If you keep walking...

And maybe our life is like these streetlights
A big fake light to last till the sunrise
They flicker and spark to fend off the dark
Getting farther apart, we're getting farther apart

As each moment passes we all raise our glasses
Even though we know that it can't change the way we feel

I can't win this time cause you won't change your mind
I can't win this time but you're never gonna get it!
You're never gonna get it!

As each moment passes we all raise our glasses
Even though we know that it won't change the way we feel

As each moment passes we all raise our glasses
Track Name: Énouement
(instrumental)
Track Name: Hemingway
Oh God I can't escape this feeling
My body burns, my stomach turns, with every line I'm stealing
And I call this shovel "Apathy" as I dig the grave they'll use to bury me
Oh God I can't escape this feeling...

So why can't you wake up (wake up!) and take a lot around?
You could take it all in before I come back down.
Or was it something I said that made you sweat?
Don't bother with names, you know I'll forget it.
Cause no one else in this god damn world
Could feel the way I feel about these
Girls, and Gods, and Politics
I'm so strung out, so fake and pretentious...

Oh God I can't escape this feeling
My body burns, my stomach turns, with every line I'm stealing
And I call this shovel "Apathy" as I dig the grave they'll use to bury me
Oh God I can't escape this feeling...

I saw you waiting by the staircase
I saw the same old face in the same old place
And I realized then that I've been doing
This for far too long...
But I would never, I'd never want to take it back
I would never, I would never want to take it back...

Oh God I can't escape this feeling
My body burns, my stomach turns, with every line I'm stealing
And I call this shovel "Apathy" as I dig the grave they'll use to bury me
Oh God I can't escape this feeling...

Because no one else in this god damn world
Could feel the way I feel about these
Girls, and God, and Politics
I'm so strung out, so fake and pretentious...

Oh God, I can't escape this feeling...
Oh God, I can't escape this feeling...
Track Name: Halloween
“Halloween”

If you were still here I don't know what you would do
Maybe solve all my problems stitch me up with the truth
But you're a lifetime away with the ghosts and the ghouls
Ever since that shitty October afternoon

Then word got around
And we took all of those decorations down
Then we bolted the door
Cause  nobody lives here anymore

There's nothing poetic about it
I just miss you so damn much
There are still so many questions
So many things left undone
Before Halloween
Came and took you from me
Permanently

If you were still here I don't know who I would be
Maybe still stuck in Texas, fucking selfish and mean
Sometimes I wonder if you'd be proud of me
It's just so hard sometimes that I just have to believe

Because I've made it this far
I'm not just gonna give up and wait in the car
I'm taking all the pieces
And building something - I just wish you could see this...

There's nothing poetic about it
I just miss you so damn much
There are still so many questions
So many things left undone
Before Halloween
Came and took you from me
Permanently

I hope you know wherever I go
You are always on my mind...
Every choice that I make, every stupid mistake
From here till the end of time
Until the day that I die

There's nothing poetic about it
I just miss you so damn much
There are still so many questions
So many things left undone
But I know you'll be
Right here with me
Permanently
Track Name: The Shakes
Baby, I'm living in a bad part of town
Where every yard's filled with corpses with every step you hear the sound
Of each body breaking underneath all the weight
Of the shame and the loathing that come from this place
I wish I could just burn it all to the ground
I'd pile up the bodies - shovel pound after pound
They're brittle and they're broken so I don't think they'd mind
If I used all their longing as fuel for the fire
But sometimes I think maybe I'm not the first
Like I've been here before but the roles well reversed
I feel like nothing that I do will ever compare
To what came before me so why should I care?
And every night I dream of all the ones that swore they would forget me
but in the morning they'd be dried up in a pile under an oak tree
I've dried up and fallen from thousands of trees
So I know I'm no different than all of these leaves

I saw my first glimpse of death today
And Baby, I've got the shakes

Everything I do, it's all for you
Gonna leave you in a world where the oceans are blue
While they spend their time waiting in the green room
We live life like we're gonna die soon

Is this the way it's always been?
Is there no prayer or medicine
that can split this mobius strip
Tear apart all of this bullshit?

Cause every day the rich get richer
While we kill ourselves on blood and liquor
Demonize your education
Then charge you arms and legs for your tuition
Bourgeoisie gods that hold all the power
Sit up top in their ivory towers
Born into this pampered position
With slaves in pocket - Priests and Politicians
They keep you in a stranglehold
Unto your debt you are betrothed
They twist the facts into their favor
And profit off of your slave labor

Everything I do, I do it for you
Cause we all know that we’re gonna die soon
Track Name: The Island
We're all born on an island
We each get one to call our own
Where all you hear is silence
And the air is freezing cold
We're all born alone
We're all born alone

It's so cold I can see my breath
Or is that all the words I never said?
Well I guess I should confess
Get this off my chest...

I've had it with these Winter woes
Blowing in with the sleet and snow
Trapping me inside my home
Trapping me alone

I've been around a long time
I've watched the seasons pass
Nothing lives forever
Nothing's Meant to last
The world is just a tundra
A vast and frozen sea
We come here in the Winter
And that's exactly how we leave

We're all born on an island
We each get one to call our own
We're all born alone