1. |
A Foreword By The Author
00:53
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2. |
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Let's talk about anything other than everything
The world is too heavy today
It's breaking my back. It's bruising my shoulders, my collar bone
Leaving me red in the face
And I just don't think that I can pull my head up now
At least not by myself
But I see you struggling over there
The same situation as mine
I wish I knew how to be cool at parties
I wish I knew how to tell you I'm sorry for wasting your time
You say that it's fine but I know that's a lie...
Oh I know
Cause Oh, I can feel it...
But each step towards the water gets harder and harder
And Oh, I can feel it...
But I'm not going to make it this time
So let's carve it out
Do me this favor
Promise to be there
I swear to God I won't waver
I just need someone to help me
To keep this from dragging me down
So let's carve it out
Do me this favor
Promise to be there
I swear to God I won't waver
I just need someone to help me
To keep this from dragging me down...
Just keep me around.
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3. |
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This is not what I wanted
This is not what I asked for
I've been tangled, weaving
Beckoning the end, the bathroom floor
But I did this to myself
Yeah, I let her cut my hair
I watched her bathing, glowing
It washed away the man I swore was there
You knew me at my best and now there's nothing left
But I'll make it through the dessert
Yeah, that won't keep me down
I will split these bloody waters
Bring this temple to the ground
But will you remember me?
A life beneath an olive tree
Oh, will I be the only
Suitor who can pull the bowstring?
You knew me at my best and now there's nothing left
I gave you everything and then you left me with the rest
Narcisist, narcisist
Your kind will be the end of all of this
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4. |
Only One
03:19
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For 10 whole years, oh yeah
I've watched you roll around
Inside my head, under the ground
I never meant to let you down
I never meant to let you...
And when all is said and done
I am no fun, I am no fun
I am the only one
I am the only one
When I'm alone I am afraid you're watching me
When I'm alone you are a part of everything
Someday I'll show you just how innocent I can be
Just you wait and see...
And even though I knew
That she was not the one for me
We still spent time in her backseat
I knew that you were watching me
I knew that you were watching...
And when all is said and done
You are no fun, you are no fun
You are the only one
You are the only one
When I'm alone I am afraid you're watching me
When I'm alone you are a part of everything
Someday I'll show you just how innocent I can be
Just you wait and see...
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5. |
Hospital Song
03:39
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Back before that afternoon
I was a different person
I could've sung any of these songs
Without knowing what the words meant
But now I can see this world
I can feel all of these strings
I've always felt connected
But now I drown in empathy
I guess that's the silver lining
I hope I've made you proud
I feel like I'm a better person
But it's hard to say out loud
Because in your final moments
You left a parting gift
I spent years all alone
And it gave me perspective
But even then I'd give it up
Every bit of character
Every drop of who I am
To spend one more day with her
I know I was a piece of shit
And I probably still am
But I'd regress a thousand lifetimes
If there was even a chance
That you would make it out
That I'd never see that room
The one inside that hospital
The one that became the tomb
Of all my expectations
The life I thought I had
Where I had to start all over
And build it up from scratch
Maybe I was happy the way I was
Oh, I still remember
Staying up all night without a care in sight
Just a twin-sized bed and a night light
But then life did what it does
And out of nowhere
The gnarled hand of a blood red man
Twisted and turned my everything
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6. |
WeSuckBlood
04:20
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I've seen water tumbling down
I've heard rain that made a terrible sound
Every time you came around...
I'd hear your voice, let down my guard
You'd sing and soothe the good gendarme
Circle of salt around my heart
We held tight to those old wounds
To your vitriol we softly swooned
At that age it was all we knew...
But now it circles round my mind
It only gets louder with time
This pesky albatross of mine...
Every thought a thought of you
Every drop quickly consumed
Every moment wasted
Hanging from the rafters, waiting
Every thought wielded at you...
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7. |
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8. |
All The Pretty Horses
01:54
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Let's carve this out, let's set it straight
Let's dissect every single thing that I say
Let's cut the rope, let's turn the key
Let's boil every thing inside of me
I've realized, at 25
All of the things wrong with my life
I've placed this love high on a shelf
With steps ascending to the twelfth
But now I've come to find
That sadly these poor people are just substitutes
For what should be my bottom line
But I'll never change my mind
I'm cursed to pour through
Every little detail so I'll never get to go in blind
All of the problems that I've ever had
Come from me never knowing when to hold back
I give it away, everything that I have
I place all my faith in their fragile hands
And yet I'm still surprised...
Because time and time again
I interlock this circles
Praying that those bells will chime
And that's where it all dies
Because they can't bear the burden of this twisted life
Because I can't hold my bottom line.
All of the problems that I've ever had
Come from me never knowing when to hold back
I give it away, everything that I have
I place all my faith in their fragile hands
All of the emptiness I've ever had
Stems from a love I will never get back
I give it away, everything that I have
I try and I try but it never comes back
All of the emptiness I've ever had
Stems from a love I will never get back
I give it away, everything that I have
Again and again and again and again and...
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9. |
811
02:33
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Maybe I've been wrong
Wasting all my time thinking about
How it all went down
When I could've been selling records
Writing slow jams/summer feel good anthems
Meant to make you think that I am sincere
That somewhere deep beneath this shell
I live and breathe to do more than just life and breathe
But we both know that's not true
You may bleed red
A deep, deep red
But deep down all I've got is blue
So I'll see you later
Maybe one day I'll dig
Deep down enough to talk about it
Talk about it, to talk about
How you left as quickly as you came
And now it's hard to think
Oh, but I doubt it...
Watch you from the window
While I'm trapped in this cage
And debt and delusion
Self-loathing and shame
I feel so sick
It never would've lived forever
It could've never survived
I'm trying so hard to make it
One day at a time
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10. |
AAA
05:04
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In the parking lot across
From our favorite spot
In this whole 1990's town
I love the way you sound
When you sing gospel songs
I try to sing along
But I always got the words all wrong...
But I tried...
And I tried...
I tried...
I tried, I tried, I tried...
And I tried...
I tried...
I tried, I tried, I tried...
To be better
I just want to be...
I just want to be better
To be better
To be better
I just want to be...
That night on your front porch
Watched you sway back and forth
Pull me down, my signal torch
Show me what I worth
And help me learn your language
With your teeth and fingertips
Force the words across my lips
And I'll try...
I'll try...
I'll try...
I'll try, I'll try, I'll try...
And I'll try...
I'll try...
I'll try, I'll try, I'll try...
I find myself sleeping more and more as time goes by
Not because of laziness or apathy
But because I legitimately need it
As I get older my body becomes less able to maintain composure
into the dark hours of the night
As if the tide never wanes...
Constantly rising and overtaking the coast
I've lost countless acres
I've lost countless hours to this ocean
At first I fought back
Struggling against the grip of the undertow
But as I spend more time under the water
I start to become accustomed to the pressure
I become content with holding my breathe
My body floating like driftwood on the currents
I even begin to see the benefits of letting the water take the wheel
I can simply let go and let the tide take me wherever it wants me to go
I don't even really have to breathe if I don't want to
I can simply drift
No longer would I have to try
No longer would I have to pretend to care
Those days when I would lazily enter those three capital A's at the end of every unimpressive attempt at significance are long gone
I no longer long
Because I am I no longer
I am done
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11. |
Just Stay Home
02:46
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You see me spinning like I know there's nothing left
You see me hoping all the weight will slide off of my chest
But nothing ever changes I'm still stuck inside my head
I'm wishing I could be asleep instead...
I'll just stay home
Stay in bed
I'm all alone
Because everybody left
So take your time
What's the rush?
Because everybody does
You tell me maybe I should just get over it
Like maybe it's as easy as flipping a simple switch
I don't think that you understand – It's so complicated
Well maybe I could think like this instead...
I'll piss and moan
'Till I'm dead
Or skin and bones
Maybe ash and dirt instead
Don't wait too long
To send your love
It's what everybody does
Just like you will...
You really need to let me go ahead
I'm sorry I've just never been too good at making friends
The way that things are headed it feels like it never ends
It's hard to be yourself with nothing left
So I'll just stay home
Stay in bed
I'm all alone
Because everybody left
So take your time
What's the rush?
It's what everybody does
Just like you will...
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12. |
Sinking Sand
04:26
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Hardwood floors
Through sunset doors
The lowlight creeping in...
My only friend
Pour the sand
Hand to hand
It's cold again...
My only friend
Into place
Number face
Shake the ground
Tumble down
Can't fit in these old clothes
These and those
They don't remember me
I don't remember me
But every time I hear your name
I burn up in that old flame
Maybe I don't want to change
Maybe I still want to talk about it
Maybe I'm never going to feel like that again
Maybe I'm just selfish
Maybe it's just too late
Maybe it's all my fault after all
Maybe I don't deserve all this attention
Maybe I don't listen
Maybe I was happy the way I was...
Maybe I was happy the way I was
Maybe I'm tired of just pretending
Maybe I'm tired of selling rope
Why can't I just be happy?
Maybe I'm just afraid
Maybe it's not too late
Maybe it'll be ok...
Yeah, Maybe I'll be ok
And in that moment seasons changed
I'll never step in that water again
Now I know just who I am
How someone like me can start again
I'll never stop the river
It just wouldn't be the same
So I'll brave those bloody waters
I will face the currents
I'll never stop the river
It just wouldn't be the same
So I'll brave those bloody waters
I will face the currents
I'll be the rock on which we stand
Surrounded by sinking sand
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13. |
...Except For This One
05:00
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You probably think that all of this was for you
That every song’s about you
That every word is waiting for
A chance to cut you down
But I got all of that out
Took that mulch, spread it around
So I’ve got no songs about you now
...Except for this one.
I stopped playing all the old ones at my shows
I know that you don’t know
I know that you don’t care
And I couldn’t be happier
I found someone who understands
Takes me by the hand
Sees me for who I am
And I couldn’t be happier
...and that song about the car crash
I didn’t really mean that
I wrote it at the bottom
of a bottle of rosé
It took a while but I’m ok
I’m old enough to think straight
I’m old enough to look back on my life
And have no doubts
I heard you found your way to grad school
Got a job and found a good dude
One that really fits you
Seems like everything worked out
I said I’d never about you
But now I think I’d like to
Now I think I might do
Something dumb like that
I said I’d never write about you
But it’s never been about you...
“Who knows what’s good and what bad?”
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